Kansas City is manly and packed with historic (phallic) buildings to see this weekend or on your next vacation. Whether these buildings were built with or without the intention of resembling a human penis, they are great fun to visit.
Kanas City ranks #5 on its Top 10 Most Manly Cities in 2014. Having three major sports teams, steaks, BBQ, and a NASCAR speedway put Kansas City on top of the nation’s most manly list.
When Kansas City built these seven structures, it sent a big message to Sigmond Freud. “Come to Kansas City where every man, woman, and gender-neutral person can enjoy unlimited phallus sightings and amusement.”
I Spy a Phallic Building
New York has the Empire state building, which has been described as the catharsis of all phallic emotion.
“If architecture is the history of all phallic emotion, the Empire State Building is utter catharsis.” Timothy Levitch
Paris has the Eiffel Tower, which feminist groups have called a phallic symbol of France’s outdated male-dominated culture.
Kansas City makes its phallus mark with the famed Liberty Memorial at 2 Memorial Driver on top of the WWI National Museum.
Photo Credit: Larry Syverson, FlickrBecause of its phallic stature, the Liberty Memorial was nominated as the most phallic building in the world. It lost to the water tower in Ypsilanti, Michigan, otherwise referred to as brick dick by Michigan locals.
Writer Tom Mardikes once described the Liberty Memorial as “a giant, erect phallus with a flaming tip centered between a pair of testicles.”
In the 60s the Liberty Memorial become a hook-up point for consensual gay sex. Police stings and curfews later curbed some of the promiscuous activity and helped wash away the stain of its nickname “pecker point.”
For decades Liberty Memorial served as ground zero for KC’s Annual Pride Parade, which started in 1975.
Through the decades’ KC’s pride parade has become more commercialized. It’s been moved from Liberty Memorial to the Power & Light District and Theis Park near the Missouri River. Because of the shift from “pride” to drunkenness, the head of Change.org started a petition in 2012 to move it back to Liberty Memorial and Penn Valley Park. Unfortunately, KC Pride hasn’t returned to its roots yet, but I suspect Liberty Memorial would be proud to serve as the starting point once again.
You can get the best view of Kansas City by going to the top of the Liberty Memorial to its 217-foot-high, open-air observation deck. The cost is $5 and you must be able to hoof it up 45 steps after the ride to the top via an elevator.
Call 816-888-8100 before your visit to make sure the deck is open as it closes for weather and other reasons occasionally.
Power and Light
The Kansas City Power & Light building was built by Hoit, Price and Barnes and is 34-stories of pure phallic energy. It was the tallest building in Missouri in 1930 when it was built. The building transformed into condominiums in 2014 and now is 36 stories tall.
Is that a phallic building over my shoulder or is Kansas City just happy to see me?The building’s crown has an art deco lantern, which was constructed to symbolize energy and vibrancy. Like an assortment of brightly colored condoms, the building’s lantern changes hues throughout the evening for pure visual enjoyment.
For a double dose of phallus visit Kansas City’s downtown theatre at 14th and Main. Both the signage and Byzantine-style domed top resemble a penis.
The theatre has had a revolving door of owners since it opened in 1938. Kansas City is proud to have its Beaux-Arts style presence as an anchor to its modern-day playground for adults otherwise known as the Power & Light District.
Can you see two phallic symbols adorning Kansas City’s Main Street Theatre?Midtown Self Storage on 3429 Troost sports the same phallic-shaped signage of the Main Street Theatre. Admire its 14-feet of phallus grandeur hovering directly over the entrance. This family operation offers storage units in four accommodating sizes so everyone leaves happy.
Tall, firm and green. Midtown Storage Signage is 14 feet of “Please Come In.”Phallic symbols aren’t just in Kansas City’s urban core. Rural towns like Kearney, Mo., flaunt phallus. Kearney’s Fun Farm Pumpkin Patch just 25 minutes north of downtown offers families the wholesome experience of picking strawberries or pumpkins.
However, one of the first things you’ll notice pulling into the gravel lot is a large, checker-tipped silo that is as phallic as Farmer John’s johnson.
Eye spy a checker-ribbed phallic silo.Phallic Beacons
In the heart of Kansas City, Winstead’s adds oomph to the Kansas City’s skyline near the Country Club Plaza. Winstead’s became a Kansas City staple because of its skyscraper sodas and milkshakes.
A phallic beacon guiding visitors to skyscraper shakes and burgers.The chain began in Springfield, Illinois in 1936 and was one of the first drive-through restaurants in the United States. Winstead’s opened in Kansas City in 1940 and its burgers earned the honor of Best Hamburger in the state of Kansas by Food Network Magazine.
Beyond great food, Winstead’s Plaza location is famed for its aerodynamic Art Deco building, topped not by a cherry but a phallus.
Unfortunately, Winstead’s owners filed for bankruptcy on March 10, 2020. We hope Haddad Restaurant Group can rise again. It would be a tragic loss to lose the building and penis-envy bling it brings.
Rocket Man
The TWA building wraps up our list of phallic buildings in Kansas City. What could be more phallic than a building with a 22-foot-tall rocket on the SW corner of its roof? The building at 1740 Main Street in Kansas City is now home to Barkley advertising agency where creative minds run amok.
In 2002 the TWA Building became part of the National Register of Historic Places. Look for the rocket on the roof in Kansas City’s Crossroad District.
Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk can confirm that rocket ships are big business and even bigger phallic symbols. Bezo’s 2015 model created salty headlines in the Huffington Post.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane. No, it’s a 22-foot phallic rocket on the TWA building at 1740 Main.What phallic building, sign, or structure in Kansas City did I neglect to mention? Please tell me in the comments section and I’ll update the post.
If I’ve piqued your interest in phallus in our city, subscribe so you won’t miss the second post in the series: Phallic Food Served, Hot and Straight Up in Kansas City.
NOTE: No Churches, temples, or synagogues were sexualized in this article.
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